Yeah… so…. This blog started off as something completely different but I ditched it to write this. I kept the title because I loved it so much though. Besides I figure no one reads this blog anyways so I can get away with anything!
Smoking is the worst habit I have, but to break it I have to do a few other things first. Please keep in mind my quit date is January, 22 2010.
Not to make myself feel special or anything but over the years I have come to believe that this is much more complicated that it is. It is one thing to identify the triggers, but if I don’t do something about the trigger before hand it’s gonna pack a wallop when it hits.
So here is my plan.
1- Quit Smoking:
a- I joined a corporate sponsored program that is providing me with a coach, and materials to assist me in this effort. Truth be told this is the part that sounds the simplest and in a way it is.
No cigars, no cigarettes, and I can forget about ever becoming a pipe smoker now that I have abused the privilege.
2- Work on the Body:
a- Loose fat.
I recently had a very good friend of mine who is a photographer tell me to loose some weight and tone up a lot. I have done some modeling or him in the past but there are a couple of ideas we have that require me to be less than clothed. I was embarrassed at first, but if I really want to pull these concepts and make great art, then he is right.
Ride- At least once a week. 30 Miles minimum.
Run- Start training and signing up for 5K’s again.
Swim- The Mayport Naval Base has a pool I can use for free since I am a retiree of course.
b- Add muscle.
I have been meaning to do this for years. When I belonged to the gym last year the personal trainer told me I didn’t have that much weight to loose. I was pretty lean because as I had quit smoking then too I was big into endurance sports. I had a closet full of t-shirts from all the 5K races I did. So lean wasn’t an issue. It still isn’t. Looking under-toned on the other hand….
Get my Gym membership back and do the weight training at least three times a week using the Body Change program. I’ve done this before and it worked out great while I was sticking to it. I can also use the treadmills if circumstances prevent an outdoor run.
c- Eat right:
This is the hard one. I love to eat. I love food! I don’t even eat for the enjoyment of it. I just eat to eat. My problem is I go into starvation mode then I rebound by gorging myself. Lacking any kind of core abdominal muscles it becomes pretty obvious that I did it to myself again.
The problem with gorging is that it is my biggest trigger. Every time I have started smoking again in the past it was after a big meal. I wish I could say if I never eat again I can remain nicotine free but I have to eat. I kind of need to if you want to live. Believe me, I want to live.
Control my cravings. Quit buying sodas and Reeces Cups every time I pass the gas station. While I am at it… Tornados and chili dogs from the said gas stations are not adequate meals either.
No gorging. It is alright if I eat out to put half of my meal into a doggy bag and save it for tomorrow. I do not have to eat the entire thing there. I also don’t have to play beat my brain. (It takes approximately 20 minutes for you stomach to signal your brain that it can’t take anymore. The trick is to pound down a whole rack of ribs and fixing before that happens. Just an example of course.
Plan everything I eat. This I do every day when I make my lunch for work in the evenings. All I have to do is expand that to cover the rest of the day and the weekends.
3- Get my mind right.
This is the hardest part of the entire process. When I teach survival I teach them that the mind is terrible thing. One a bad idea gets in there it blooms like ragweed. For me, my mind hates a void. It will fill in the details that are missing from anything. So when I get bored or restless, it resets to the worst possible ideas I can come up with. The trick is to stay ahead of myself, which for me is kinda tough as I am always like three sentences into the future before anything comes out of my mouth.
My secret mutant power is I don’t have ideas. I have plans! I spend a lot of time planning all manner of things in my head, and sooner or later they make their way to paper, and when the time is right… I do it. So instead of feeling bad about having big ideas I just need to get on with it. If I am the only person going along with my schemes then so be it.
Get re-acquainted with my spirituality. A long time ago I belonged to a support group, and I left them. I really need to go back there and just shut up and listen to what they have to say. I realize I am not unique in this world so I pretty much can learn everything I need to if I don’t let myself get into the way.
Learn to be at peace with myself. I introspect too much. I get to the point where I question everything that is going on in my head, and I should just stop and accept that is the way it is. I don’t know if anyone is familiar with the Serenity Prayer, but there is so much truth in that. I would probably sleep better at night if I said that to myself when I retire for the evening.
I need to start writing more. I have dusty journals, half a dozen short stories I have written, and a stack of lost travelogs I have been meaning to clean up a bit. It is more than that though. I need to get them published. I have about three friends that have been telling me I need to do that. Particularly my geeky short stories. I love to write. I love to create worlds or take off kilter looks at the one around me. It would make me happy to share that with the world.
I need to go back to college. I am two classes away from an A.A. degree in Professional Aeronautics at the Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University. I am pretty sure once that is out of the way I can breeze into my B.A.degree.
There is something about the winter months and the longer nights that causes my brain to shut down. This time of year is not a happy one for me. Last winter I belonged to a gym so I got out of the house a lot and I used their tanning beds. Something about the artificial sun made me feel good. I know I risk skin damage because of it, but I would rather look like dried jerky than have a mind that doesn’t want to function.
4- Fight Boredom.
I am the first to admit to a short attention span, and that I am easily distracted, or I get tired of things pretty fast. The thing is, there is so much in this world that fascinates me or intrigues me that I have some small talent for that I should never be bored. I have all of this written down in a book! I need to get tattooed on my arm READ THE BOOK just so that it will remind me to look at it when I start thinking about how bored I am. The sad thing is most of it is free. It won’t cost me a cent to get up and do it because I already have all of the materials to do it, and it all ties in with one of the four habits I need to change for a better life!
Forza-The Samurai Sword Workout. Yep. Got the boken and the backyard everything.
Montel Williams Body Change. For me it worked when I was following it to the letter. I fell apart when I stopped ardent adherence to the program. Oh… fuck it if the guys at the gym look at me funny because I have the book and a training and nutrition journal with me when I am working out.
Apache Knife Fighting! So I don’t know where to learn this but trying to find out will keep me pretty occupied.
Art! I am an artist of little skill, but it doesn’t stop me from cartooning, painting, drawing, sculpting, sewing and a few other things.
I am going back to that support group I have long abandoned.
I have to learn to live with in my means. It just isn’t financially which is a big deal right now. But also with in my emotional means. Just because I can offer a lot of love and attention, doesn’t mean anyone else is ready to receive it. I can not make anyone like me. I can not charm the world. I can wish them well though, and accept that is the way it goes sometimes. I spend too much money on things I can’t afford, and I spend too much effort trying to over come incompatibilities.
Embrace my fetishes. By fetish I mean something that you spend more time thinking about than it has value for. Pretty much this is my definition of fun. There are some things in this world that turn me on more than anything else. It is a pretty big list to, but something’s stand out on it. Id doesn’t make me evil or demonically possessed. It means I have exotic tastes, and I am willing to admit that now.
Lest I forget most of all... camp and star gaze more often.