Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hardwired.

I watched probably the best movie I have seen in the last couple of years last night with my youngest. At first I thought it would be much the same pre-teen grist that Disney grinds out, but I was entirely wrong.

The film is called “Bandslam”. I highly recommend it.

None the less, after a rather traumatic confrontation for our protagonist, he comes to question everything he knows about people and the subject of if you can actually change or not. If we are hardwired to be the way we are at any given point then what is the point of living the rest of our lives?

My response to this was even though significant aspects of my world truly suck… I have a great life! I don’t mind it being wired this way too much! This I do know, it is the way I have tried to shaped it into being.

I believe in chaos more than I do order. I can’t remember anyone telling that is the way things are meant to be when something good happened. I can not believe we are who we are because that is the way it is. Unless you let yourself become that person, but I like to think we are a little more proactive in becoming who we are. So, okay… I will buy settled over hardwired.

What kind of made this all so poignant is a guy at the plant I work at died this week. My age, great shape, upper management. Now dead. Heart attack at his desk. Normally I take this kind of thing hard and start looking at my own mortality, but not this time. Since I started cleaning up my act I don’t fear Grim the Reaper as much which has me wondering if it’s not death I was afraid of but living?

Do you know what I want right now though? I want to feel sexy. I feel healthy, I feel energized, I know I am fairly handsome. I just don’t feel sexy... wanted.. desired! I guess it is becasue I am to tired from trying to put two young adult women through college.

LOL… You know, I am alright with that. Now, how weird is that????

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