Saturday, September 25, 2010

Feeling better.

So... Yes. Life took a dramatic change as of late. I think the worst thing for a self-absorbed egomaniac to admit is that he isn't all that. Fragile is the ego without id and mine is. I'm trying to get over it.

I grew up the son of a Baptist preacher, loathe as I am to assign sterotypes, I filled the bill for the typical PK. I have spent the better part of my life and possibly free time rebelling against all things theological. There are pockets of time though I did my best to conform to Christian ideas and living but eventually I got into my own way. Not cool.

Around 12 years ago I became Catholic. There is a much longer story to that but let us just say I gave it my all for a long time and didn't do much to honor God or my life in general. I loved the rituals, and I loved the feeling that I felt I could get away with more on a higher plane than I could as a Baptist, so go figure disaster was looming for me. God is loving, merciless, but above all else very patient.

So now I am trying to arrange my life in a manner that is befitting someone who portends to be a decent upstanding member of the community. I have removed my ego from the things that are in the top one percent of things that I should be looking out for. I've given up the adult material I more often or not frequented. I am in the process of extracting myself from my own prison of social networking. For me the accolades I could fish for and the more people I could trick into admiring me was becoming an opiate. I spent hours a night chumming Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, and a few other sites begging people top pay attention to me and getting very depressed when they didn't.

The good news I can be saved from my personal trap, the internet. I feel so much freer now that I prefer to cook, spend time with my wife, read a book, draw, write, meditate, and I even had time to pray a Rosary the other day. I must confess this. I have become a SitCom junkie.

This is the priority stack as I have ben trying to live my life the last few weeks, and Lord willing if I stay out of the way, by his grace the rest of my life:

1. God
2. Family
3. Work
4. Everything else.

Not that I think I am a really horrible creature. It's just that I did everyting so I could say "Look at me! Look at waht I did!" or "I did it becasue it made me feel good." That complete lack of humility in the past has been my downfall and very nearly did it again.

Nowadays I am attending Mass regularly, re-learning what faith is all about, and letting my wife, children, and the rest of my relitives, mine and in-laws, know they mean more to me than a conveinence.

In looking at ministries that I may better serve the community I discovered the Vatican Observatory! Naturally I gravitated towrds that because basically the purpose of this blog in the first place was to report on my then budding, now stalled, explorations into the heavens.

This like so many other things will in time come around if it is His will. I have asked to take better advantage of my skills and talents so that I not spend my days pissing around seeking shallow thrills. What it comes down to is I know that I can be more than I am.

Be well, and be Blessed my freinds!

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