Monday, May 23, 2011

May 22, 1963

Well... yesterday was my birthday and I am glad that is over with....

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Mysteries Veiled and Wonders Obscurra

So these are thoughts I had at the beach. In the last 24, well 19 hours, I have been given much change to ponder. Let us start this at the movies…

Paul. I went to see Paul which turned out to be a delightful film but mostly because of the chemistry and talents of Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost. There were a couple things that irritated me, but I forgave them sort of. Lot’s of references to all things geeky, and way too many gay jokes that made it childish, and a measure of bashing of the Intelligent Design model. (They missed a really good opportunity here to connect faith and fact here but instead firmly drove a wedge into the issue.) I’ll probably see it again, but probably on Netflix, or if someone goes with me this time.

The trailers rocked! My run down;
Your Royal Highness- Must See! Natalie Portman is hot!
Thor –Must see! Natalie Portman is hot!

I stood in the middle of my street late last night staring into the glow of the moon. As you all know it is at is closest approach in years. To me it was noticeable, but I have to wonder, how often most of the world looks up to even have a reference to its fluctuations. I had the telescope out but only for a couple minutes. I really didn’t want to have anything standing between the two of us. The most beautiful part of jumping out of an airplane is when you are under the gentle cradling of a fully deployed canopy is looking at the curve of the earth and there is nothing between you and the horizon. That was just the mood I was in last night. I looked upon the face of Selene and caressed her cheek, and closed my eyes.

There is this thing I do with the moon, which I haven’t done in a long time. It will probably get me killed because I usually end up doing it in the middle of the street in the middle of the night. I close my eyes and try to void my mind. All I try to sense is the moonlight piercing my eyelids and will the moon to use it’s gravitation to pull me to it. I have mentioned before that I feel like I have had some small measure of success with this practice but just when it feels like it is working something grounds me to Terra Firma. Normally a vehicle honking.

So at the beach this afternoon the first realization I had was that I need a better chair. I had my trusty camp chair and that is great for sitting around in parking lots after golf, or at work, or where ever but it lacks any convenience at the shore. I had a full-length, fully-adjustable chaise for the longest time and I in a more Bohemian age would use it as a cot. I really need to get one now and I am thinking it is actually something I have to do for my new part-timer. I can not realistically portray a proud member of the Timiquan nation if I am pasty white. Which is why today has found me sitting there in a Speedo. I went to Guana State Park. It is primitive, but not as desolate as I could hope for but desolate enough for me to go there with a reasonable chance of being able to throw on a pair of jams if there is a passer by. I read 20,00 Leagues under the Sea, saw dolphins and took a smallish nap.

So here is a fashion mystery I wish someone would explain. Since the weather has been nice, I ride my bicycle along 1st Street pretty often. 1st Street being the street next to the beach access so naturally bathers are frequenting the bars, and restaurants along the way, I noticed a young woman in a bikini top and small shorts. Not unusual except she had a pair of handcuffs, a manacle each, close around her belt loops in front of her shorts. I tried not to stare, but I am was not that strong. I did ride faster. Today, same thing. Young woman in a bikini but this time bolt manacles were attached to a single belt loop.

Why? What is the statement? Please forgive me if it seems I am judgmental. As a matter of fact, I am in the camp of the far other direction.

I am officially sick of St. Patrick’s Day. In much the same way I am sick of Thanksgiving and Valentines Day. All the mucky muck that goes along with it just seems to me to be a mockery of something that at one time was something good and noble. With a name like Jon Ryan you have to figure, and this was pointed out to me already, that I should be all into this day. I’m not. I don’t even claim to be Irish anymore. As far a s relatives have figured out the Ryan’s, my fathers side have been here since the mid 1700’s and the family of my mother were native to the land. I am as American as you can get. So don’t ask me to get excited over one more day to deal with the shitfaced wrapping themselves in the colors of green, white, and orange.

Now I sit writing this journal. One that will be posted to my blog and linked from Facebook and Deviant art. Much of this will be copied into other applications where appropriate. I am sick of my 365 project. It has driven home two things. 1) I am sick of doing everything alone. 2) I am highly repetitive.

Could I get any boringer? Have I finally gotten over myself? No need to answer that.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Hello Cosmo.

There is a song by the band Animal Bag called Hello Cosmo and it starts like this.


Hello Cosmo didn't mean to go astray
Took life to serious began to slip away
One must conform to expectations of the mass
Need to relax awhile and lie down in the grass

Good day sunshine can I share in your warm glow
Put trust in people that I did not even know
Almost convinced me to regret the things I've done
Need to redeem myself and sit here in the sun


I know it’s been a long time since I have written anything. Honestly I feel like I haven’t had anything significant to write about.

Today you find me with a lot of self-inflicted loathing. A LOT! Don’t get me wrong. I still love me, and thing I am a great guy. I’m just not happy.

Keep in mind I love to cook. Yet, for some reason I haven’t eaten anything other than pizza, hot dogs, and nachos for the last four days and I am now paying for it. 30 years ago I could have survived off of a weekend binge of crap food but not now. Plus... I had a couple of cigars… so I have done all of the bad things that won’t kill me instantly.

Spiritually I have been lacking also. I’ve blown off Mass the last couple of weeks, I still haven’t finished off my penance from my last confession, haven’t been to water polo in a month and still haven’t fixed my telescope yet.

This brings me to a too familiar crux. I generally get to this point and I visualize standing at a fork in the road. I keep getting on the fork that loops back to this point and as I write this I am staring at a guidepost that says, “Change-Your-Life” or “Stay-Comfortable-and-Miserable”.

Change-Your-Life is the one with the loop in it.

I want to say this is my big re-commitment. In some ways it honestly feels like it is another opportunity to blow things off again that are truly good for me. Again. To be fair and not beat myself up to bad a lot of the things I did last time have stuck with me, and that I take as a good sign. Just need more practice. Still, normal procedures are to ditch all previous attempts and plunge deeper in to the bad.

I learned these lessons from last time. Church is good. Friends are good. Exercise is good. Science is fun. Rope is fun. Eating like a pig, goat or Wampa is bad. Smoking is bad.

These are the things that should be at the fore front of my mind. In those instances where I think doing the opposite is a really great idea. Life would be a lot easier if I knew why thinking not good is a grand idea, and that is part of the challenge of life isn’t it? With out a challenge there would be no reason to progress right!?!? I do wish I were more evolved though….

This all leaves me with what I am going to do about myself. As I am looking at the Change-Your-Life sign it is well lit, has these cheesy red chili pepper lights hanging off of it and sits on a nice shiny post in well manicured grass. The other one is hanging by one bold on a rusty and bent pole surrounded by weeds.

We all know I am going to take the loop again.

I need to place more emphasis on my faith. Not anyone else’s, because I firmly believe that this is a matter of personal choice. I chose Catholicism because it felt right and I stole a rosary when I made a pact with God. I have friends who happen to be Wiccan, Jewish, Buddhist, At-One-With-The-Force, and heaven forbid Protestants. They are as true to their beliefs as I am to mine. Probably more so if I have to really admit it. We are friends because we don’t hide behind failed lives, fear, or ignorance. We know faith is love and that is why we are who we are.

My faith serves to make me feel better about myself. With that in mind I feel like my body was a gift from God. A loner I am supposed to be taking care of in this corporeal plane until I head off to green grass and high tides. The sin is in how I have been abusing it, and that kinda hits upon part of the penance I am lagging behind on. I need to run more. Cycle more. Damn it.. I joined a water polo team. I chose a team sport for once and I committed to a group that expects me to show up and practice, play and improve. The worst thing is I haven’t failed myself. I failed them too.

This brings us to the way I have been treating my friends. When I am at work, or commit to a gig, I am so there ready to work. When it comes to my social life I exert a lot more flexability. Seriousl, it never enters my head that people want to spend time with me. I just don’t think I am that special. Honestly. I am a blessed man that they still invite me out to bars, parties, their homes, and movies because lately my response has been a) No, or b) Yes, with the option to blow you off unless there are nachos involved.

The day is going to come and I am going to look back ad read this and know exactly why, and know that I only had myself to blame for this. I really need to get back into some sort of community, and I am not talking “Social Media.”, although there are a few people out there I really like but don’t live anywhere near me that I would like to stay in touch with. Mostly they live in Canada. The answer to this is easy. Get off the couch and out of the bed, and move off of the driving range and move on to the greens. Make the water polo team a priority. Start running more races. Go camping with actual people. Get involved with a ministry.

I am going to start cooking at home more. Hell, I am going to start cooking at my friends houses too, because honestly I really don’t think I can stand anymore pizza…

So this brings me to Arts and Science! I love astronomy. In particular planetary and lunar observation. Do I know a lot about them? Nope. Because I am as big a slack as about science as I am about my diet. I started this blog intending it to be a journal regarding my scientific pursuits and outdoor activities. Instead it has turned into this thing you are reading now. I am assuming you are reading this if you got this far.

Not to keep you tied up this long, I wrote all of this just to tell you this is me once again taking the fork with the chili pepper lights. We’ll talk again when I come around the bend.

My best,

Buzz